My Memoirs of Ana & Mia

There are people that are fortunate enough to live old and die peacefully in their sleep, surrounded by loved ones, or die with the knowledge of the family they had procreated, or the love and legacy left behind. They live to an old and comfortable age and they die peacefully, at peace with themselves and at peace, literally. But in my life, apart of me died over and over again. I can't recall right now the first moment I felt apart of me had died, or apart of my soul was lost, or dying. I was young the first time I had suffered something sinister. The first time I was almost dead from cardiac arrest was my teenage years when my obsession and secret addiction to harbour so much i could not explain, so much that I put a stop on growing up by stopping my period. By being fragile on the outside, yet appear strong. I was graceful and I scared people right until the times I was nearly dead and suffered going into cardiac arrest and my life at 16 would have been over if the Emergency dep

I have a heart that's made of glass It's easy to break and fall apart But the edges are sharp  And fragile as much as it is hard to crack open And with one cut, I could make you feel the pain inside I buried so deep and emotionally apart of me had died That the love I feel is protected in numbing it to a death point Because if my trust is betrayed, any life left in me will be decayed I don't want to hurt you with my cold and glassy heart Fallen into a million little pieces, dangerous to touch  The fragments of my life, my pain that fell onto the floor I love you so much, my coldness is to protect yourself The cut that can run deep and a bandaid won't stop the bleeding That your wound is open, it is fresh and I never meant to cause this I am unable to express my true meaning and one wrong turn I will bury myself inside a cave or rock I don't want to love and lose, i want to love and have And be the best you deserve But my h

Change Change is a concept that is often something to cling onto, To promise yourself, that it's going to happen, one more time is fine Or change is only on the surface. What we see around us, learn from, make look different. But deep inside our souls, pain is no obstacle to overcome. It's apart of our journey that we learn to live with each day, ride with and make apart of who we become and what we learn from. Change is something that begins a transition period. People fear change. It's an emotional rollercoaster and change is challenging in ways of life, routine, systems & what we become immune too. Change is not going to be avoided. If you remain paralysed in life, stand still and refuse to move or grow, then the world around you and people will and that each lesson and mistake is worth learning from, even if the step was not forward, nor backward and nowhere. It's still changing something within yourself.

My heart is glass, and sharp to touch it makes blood & pain hard to escape Dead inside my own body, dark inside my own mind The sadness that I endure knowing the knife deep stab wounds that my love could bring To protect you with my love, inside a glass heart  Is fragile, easily broken & could tear you right apart 

i think of all the times we shared, not just in person, but the ones we used to get through the nights The sounds of silence that scream out loudly that we need the connection, & the glare from the street lights. They shine down the road, of both our streets, it shows life outside, and that alone is how we just feel so your talks, your listening, and needing a friend, was some soul dedication i'd protect to the end That it's not the kind of thing you fear, your impact, those moments we did share, they calmed my fear and I don't forget sweet words you said. A charmer, a gentleman, sweet talker, or maybe just the real you. Stripped from the insecurities that eat you alive,  that you never knew how else to survive The way that brought structure to the day, your active life. The people that twisted a blade through your back with a bloody knife. The backstabbers that were best friends, family that wanted you to fall, The pain you endured, and shared right away, it

Today was the day the wounds burned too deep.  Today was the day that this life I could not keep. Today was the day that I killed the pain.  Today was the day I left this world in vain. Today was the day I let go i stopped caring at all, Today was the day I made that final fall  Today was the day I left behind life, I quietly died. Today was the day my sorrow lead me to suicide.