i think of all the times we shared, not just in person, but the ones we used to get through the nights
The sounds of silence that scream out loudly that we need the connection, & the glare from the street lights.
They shine down the road, of both our streets, it shows life outside, and that alone is how we just feel
so your talks, your listening, and needing a friend, was some soul dedication i'd protect to the end
That it's not the kind of thing you fear, your impact, those moments we did share, they calmed my fear
and I don't forget sweet words you said. A charmer, a gentleman, sweet talker, or maybe just the real you.
Stripped from the insecurities that eat you alive, that you never knew how else to survive
The way that brought structure to the day, your active life.
The people that twisted a blade through your back with a bloody knife.
The backstabbers that were best friends, family that wanted you to fall,
The pain you endured, and shared right away, it was hard not to message or call.
No soul should endure those feelings and sights alone, to be abandoned and afraid,
and left to emotionally fade away.
I dread the day you may never be there again. A friend like you took a bad day and a positive vibe even when down, turned my long hard road out of hell, like a beautiful scenic tourist town.
And it's small, it's nothing, but it wasn't what you feel would be more, but you left a mark.
I write a lot when I am emotional, alone and decaying n the dark.
That i failed people around me for like nearly a year,
After so much doing better, well, and then all this to the world i made you hear,
I had too much i felt i had to be a superhero, and neglected my insights and my health
That i based self worth on looks, my achievements or lack of wealth.
It made me first avoidant, focused on sharing my detailed life and trying to help and learn
But deep down, something else, something more, i had a soul that would yearn,
I wasn't any of the things that portrayed me to be as vain, selfish or expecting more.
I was used to a certain way, i had been emptied out in 2016, and i was still quite sore.
I had no idea how to articulate my true self, i look back and grow in just this journey of my own souls reflection.
Deep into a psychological, dark psyche journey and higher connection.
I know i lost the sense of self that was stronger, that had grown wise.
And you just missed out on the parts of her, or me, that made me more of a prize.
I had allowed the worst of repressed pain take over like a storm that meets a hurricane.
I let the things i fought most define me and my total irrationality was insane.
But there is a demon possessed part of my soul that some of us have, we fight with ways that hate them more.
I let them feast on my soul, and i let them rage in war.
But i should have loved those parts of me. Like an exorcist that can bring them out into the light, and make them evaporate in naked eyesight.
Or befriend and love these parts that are just parts that scream for love, love of self. And looking for it in parts of others, we all do this, and i know my strengths, despite the worst falls, the fact i let 2018 take over me and i chased away at least 6 people.
That i don't deserve prodigal friends to just return like a story. That is an episode in all its glory.
But if one is learning a lesson through the planet saturns return so fast.
It's the deepest, insight that grows alone, that wants to be the good parts of me, that makes you and others smile.
The one that is the go to, the one that is empathetic enough and cares naturally with a good heart.
That feels guilty and ashamed for being a stupid, irresponsible tart.
And i weep at my own hole i climbed inside each night,
the one that has me relive the good memories, the bad moments, my mistakes and how i was something so embarrassing, i had not been so intense in so long.
If it was possible to prove, to have my reasons and explaining, perceptions believed are not true of me and that i talk about peoples passions and loves in life, or their interests, arts and hobbies, their cats or dogs.
It's a social skill, empathy, a loyal friend would do. I want to know the important parts of your life because friends do that when they can.
I don't want you to have to know about me, except for what you chose to ask, and to know and to see.
I never push anyone, things come out wrong, but the thought of your soul suffering the way it was that time before.
I feel like I could have done so much more.
Money, professional, being a rock.
But instead i behaved like a selfish, dumb little cock.
It's not rocket science for health, and i'm not gone forever. My mind can be back.
But the guilt and self blame, the natural shame, this short and lifelong game.
We all have to play it once our existence becomes demanded, or created.
Choose your perspective, but the world is full of fakes, frauds and overrated.
Ones that look like lust or cool, to boost your ego into a higher place,
But it's fake happiness, and slowly back down you fall from such grace.
And it's not your fault, we all do this, or learn and grow up like the black swan movie told.
And there's no saying that you have to ever get old.
But my soul is tired, it's an old soul, and it's battled it's wars like a warrior of hades.
But please, things i said olut of empathy, misunderstood and had me portrayed like the devil advocate, or an empty soul in designer wear, driving a Mercedez.
The people that look good on the outside, online or out at a bar dancing and faking it.
But deep down, they're as lost souls, or have been found and not at this telepathic journey we embarked on without buying tickets in advance.
That it's not more than 5 people, of the male gender, and less than that of the females that have me fight for their friendship at the least and most.
And prodigal, or sooner than that would be great, but never sit there in disarray, despair and feeling like it's too late.
I never evet truly let a grudge sttay in the way of forgiveness forever. I don't just suddenly hate.
I know i was too much and too stubborn to help for a few months.
And medical is what was needed, and there is brighter news ahead. I wish you could know.
I know the isolation can be like an oxygen mask from life and human events in these states of mind.
But please, at my door, my physical one, or my online one, or whenever, it is always open.
I amthe one who will be embarrassed and explaining, but in my 30s now, time to take it all more seriously and knw people who want me to reach my truest dreams and goals.
To hear my dreams, to hear the ones i adore most.
You can think the worst, and misread and choose to call it demanding or expecting more. But that is a delusion, your fear.
Most people could want more on a night out with you, but you refuse to accept that at times. I do too. But a friend is so impottant, and loyalty is rare. That empathy is more than just being able to care.
And i sense the moods of others. Ones I know more about and the ones i know who are struggling inside.
That the night you needed to go get help, i was happy for your bravery, but your state made me cry.
That i am sensitive, i cry over animal lost pet signs, and movie characters that die, or memories all the time.
A sentimental soul, but it can be painful looking back and knowing the trauma of past bad people made me relive an injury so deep, a wound that a band aid would not stop the bleeding. It took that event to go through pure hell and pain at once, to know i handled it wrong in the car.
That i let the bad ones define my self worth, and perceived you all the same. And a friend needs to not do that, but the physical injury from reliving emotional too was a shock to my system, and a useless rock i was.
But your courage was something i admired, and deep down, always made me feel inspired.
I'd see most people stuck in a boring routine and looking down at a skinny little girl like me,
or people fucked up, nice and accepting, but not some i could always enjoy to see.
Not the people that bring a good part out of me to move forward and not fall lost.
To survive the worst and then make a life, survive more and then harm myself at what cost?
I wanted that strength of your blossoming energy at times, your sacred and dedicated belief,
that kind of trust, faith and love that to a life of regret, remorse & shit, must bring relief
I stopped long ago, i was lost in all the choices and ways. I felt so judged by a group of people who should not judge.
But belief and faith is not a group, or laws, or what rules a book may say,
That I'd love to open my heart back to a higher power and to my 6 year old belief one day.
I was so faithful, i'd pray and i'd pray and even if i felt alone at home at that age,
I guess looking back, prayer was a salvation, or negative energy kind of sage.
I felt better, protected, and like all I had to do was get through life and be givena reward
But it became so complicated by age of 13 and long before,
I was straying, and i tried not too, but soon felt hypocritical and closed a door.
I just had so much going on at home, i'd began to liive for compulsive and obsessive liffestyles like losing weight .
By 15, i was this horrible, skeletal, hospitalised state.
But these parts of me, tragic and experience, i want those who knew and know, it's the part of me that was a survivor of many things, torture it has been, the head fuck that destroyed so much more, accepting parents don't live forever and there's a second half of life we cannot ignore.
I wish to help survivors, and unfortunate people and it's been a dream nand a need to pay back as a legacy sometime.
And to talk about things that are not being drunk or typical shallow, all on the surface, i hate it.
The lessons learned, the insights shared, maybe my writing is shit.
But i have a whole secret blog, of lyrics, 2014 poetry, grunge, experiences, books began, positive, realistic, darker like a song by the Deftones, or inspired by Neil Young or Nirvana, grunge was King.
But i write a lot, i have written poems and deeper things that the world never sees.
Poems about people who hurt me and i hate, to befriended, or even could become a date.
I express without names, and i ca'n never say who, because it'/s only movies that a friendship is salvaged by knowing its you.
But tonight, my heart and soul needed to pour something out.
My true soul is connected and feels the energetic vibes of the ones I know more about, and choose that underneath the worst words, or insults, is not the bad that i have heard from friiends falling out using certain things and taking hate to a new level.
Shows me that the shit you have gone through, i relate to some, but i just want to know, you're alive, you're well, you're worth facing the music and responding too.
You could hate me, fear i'm not well, or a pain in the arse.
It's not like that. I am attendng a working medical examination as wel.
It's not heaven, it's like i said, a long and hard road out of hell.
And the adversities and bad luck it's easy to encounter,
But the pain you go through, you can hide, you pretend it is to be a man, try think running, or hiding is going to escape.
But all it will do, is make you a more broken man that harboured his pain and wore a superhero cape,
But in the blackest of nights, the raini and the storm that has you lie in bed.
Apart of you has become used to this locking out so much, apart of you has become, so cold it's decaying and it's dead.
That you need to stay where you are, you need to rebuild your own part of self, and you are ambitious and strong, and nobody gets the strong.
Words can be thisx venom in us all. Defending the little sad person inside that is crying.
But to look deep intol your self reflection of the mirror at your soul,
that you see your own self and know that you are worth more than being in some hidey hole
Focusing on activities, work, pretending reality isn't there,
But my dear friend, you said words that made me feel like i was of no importance, or you care less than you said, but yolur sensitive make, your goals to help those without homes and food,
From someone who has experienced the craziest and most intense kind of mood,
I believe that whether it's geneuine hate, or a feeling of pressure and fear of more
You don't deserve your existences need to be appreciated, and not just ignore.
Being alone, i love my own space too. But humans crave and desire contact, and i don't think people understand the deeper parts you have survived.
That maybe your stories, one day when you can, could show people that the darkest days, the living through processes the mind has to take, a route that you had no choice but to make.
I promise, i wish i'd listened more, learned skills despite what.
Not afraid of being the pain, pest, or coming across molre wrong than i ever do.
Becaujse the last thing i want tis to scare, misunderstand, or lose the good times of a friend with you.
I promised my duty as a friend, i promise this to rare people who needed the support at a special time i had been through myself, or closxe. That it's never an issue, it's what i am equipped emotionally to do.
Botn a natural loving person, a bit nutty, crazy, and ii have secrets like all i should tell.
Nothing earth shattering, confessions as i recover to my best self.
2015-2018 me i want to rest in her grave, and bring back the girl that survived, bounced back,a new chance to take action and words a new way, not repress so deep and that the cuts on my soul were so steep.
It was a like a danger skull zone that poison is about to leak out, and then like a machine gun of word bullets that shoot the villains in my eyes to take a vendetta, a girl i was not made to be, and deserved so much better.
I never knew my worth from childhood up. Dad has never known how to show that normal love. I have learned now, and i want to be the best friend for any friend i talk too, good or bad they are going through, and i love helping and hearing about stories of the world in the middle east and europe, or parts of south east asia. Other languages, beliefs, family stories or not, astronomy, the poverty that needs help, rights for all, educating my experiences as lessons to move society forward, and to hear yours and learn and support as a number one there with true heart.
Loyalty is nt easily seen. And i don't deserve sorry, or pity at all (no thanks!!), or a wrong understanding, but some day, my dear prodigals, from 2 weeks, to 2 months, more time or less, hearing from you would be the ultimate de-stress.
I always care and want to know you are well. If you're not well, say soon, or make amends. Enemies are not what we need with our souls level of pain, or resilience we have is so strong. That your existence in this world, remarkable, every word, audio book was mostly read, i never exp;ected advice or you to be the fixer friend, but it's appreciated.
Listen, or be honest, or trivial and thrive on thnat, or intellect and goals and travel or dreams, ambitions, the hard times at the moment so it seems.
I can manage my condition, but i worry about others with theirs. Not enough professional support, or choice, or hiding in a mask to be the man, it's not okay to feel you have to always show a mask that is okay.
I was never anything anyone said in anger, accused me of, expected of, we all say things on impulse and tone is not heard, or language barriers, or emotions warp our views.
Or the lies and rumours people spread, those people used to make me hide, but now tthat would is a scar and has finally bled.
No more blood to those poor souls needing to usee vulnerable females to use in those ways.
Like anyone who does the same in the ways you lost friends that made your survive some fucking horrible days.
I do NOT liste things for an award that I do. It was proof that I was not the monster, the person you said i was, even sick, that the healthy me, had cared about you.
It's in my nature. I don't just let souls burning for freedom suffer in a fire that was not started by them.
That the bravery and courage is influential, and when you are grounded, better, and maybe not run away from the truth, because it may sting, or even really hurt.
you will be able to free that soul inside of you, the sensitive and pure one that is trapped beneath the constant bad luck, the strength that sometimes has to take a break, cracks in the floor just remind us, strong ones fall.
One day, i hope that your bring down that wall.
The one your build to hide behind and maybe i sound deep.
I mean from the work, it's intuition and something i can see.
So tired from those that physically absorbed from you each day,
That a soul needs to unwind and cleanse from predatory people who see kindness as prey
I wish i could make people see the truth in my genuine, innocent friendship
And i don't explain it well by spurting out what i've done - but it's my despair and desperate atttempt to prove, you're view is altered, yu saw what i said wrong, it's to show you what i did and would do again, if i could to be a proper friend.
That a person you meet 12 yr4s ago, to 1 and a bit hyears ago, and then even closer could be better people and a reason to relate through a time that's going to be so intense as a transition, and a friend or someone to relate too, is the way to survive the tornado of emotion, unpredictable luck and trust. You can only learn through perspective of others, and the deepest psychic, or telepathic kind of ways.
That goes beyond, deep, reading your soul.
Learning sensitive and empathethic traits, it's painful to live with that level, but it's how to let go of all the past pain, and let the people who chose to be loyal, caring and fight for your friendship stay, just say that i will be back, later down the track, but not just today.
Unless you want to erase a time, and resent and go from before it all went down. Energy was read, tragedies happen, and it's time to know that it's not worth holding grudges, a friend is a friend and believe me, it's becoming a world of masks hard to see behind anymore.
And i hope that this makes sense, despite a barrier, that it's meaningful, and not still opening a new door.
2019 should be the year where we take meanings of loyalty and learn its traits so easily not seen anymore. That someone consistent and happy to be there, be there friend, they are empaths, they care. I care. And i know how hard life is to the ones who need a break. And any friend is worth fighting to save and open the eyes, this time i am enlightening to new parts of the soul inside me to salvage, and everyday is a new start with whtatever energy, or headspace given, and i am wide awake. Gtetting well and no bad shit to tell.
The sounds of silence that scream out loudly that we need the connection, & the glare from the street lights.
They shine down the road, of both our streets, it shows life outside, and that alone is how we just feel
so your talks, your listening, and needing a friend, was some soul dedication i'd protect to the end
That it's not the kind of thing you fear, your impact, those moments we did share, they calmed my fear
and I don't forget sweet words you said. A charmer, a gentleman, sweet talker, or maybe just the real you.
Stripped from the insecurities that eat you alive, that you never knew how else to survive
The way that brought structure to the day, your active life.
The people that twisted a blade through your back with a bloody knife.
The backstabbers that were best friends, family that wanted you to fall,
The pain you endured, and shared right away, it was hard not to message or call.
No soul should endure those feelings and sights alone, to be abandoned and afraid,
and left to emotionally fade away.
I dread the day you may never be there again. A friend like you took a bad day and a positive vibe even when down, turned my long hard road out of hell, like a beautiful scenic tourist town.
And it's small, it's nothing, but it wasn't what you feel would be more, but you left a mark.
I write a lot when I am emotional, alone and decaying n the dark.
That i failed people around me for like nearly a year,
After so much doing better, well, and then all this to the world i made you hear,
I had too much i felt i had to be a superhero, and neglected my insights and my health
That i based self worth on looks, my achievements or lack of wealth.
It made me first avoidant, focused on sharing my detailed life and trying to help and learn
But deep down, something else, something more, i had a soul that would yearn,
I wasn't any of the things that portrayed me to be as vain, selfish or expecting more.
I was used to a certain way, i had been emptied out in 2016, and i was still quite sore.
I had no idea how to articulate my true self, i look back and grow in just this journey of my own souls reflection.
Deep into a psychological, dark psyche journey and higher connection.
I know i lost the sense of self that was stronger, that had grown wise.
And you just missed out on the parts of her, or me, that made me more of a prize.
I had allowed the worst of repressed pain take over like a storm that meets a hurricane.
I let the things i fought most define me and my total irrationality was insane.
But there is a demon possessed part of my soul that some of us have, we fight with ways that hate them more.
I let them feast on my soul, and i let them rage in war.
But i should have loved those parts of me. Like an exorcist that can bring them out into the light, and make them evaporate in naked eyesight.
Or befriend and love these parts that are just parts that scream for love, love of self. And looking for it in parts of others, we all do this, and i know my strengths, despite the worst falls, the fact i let 2018 take over me and i chased away at least 6 people.
That i don't deserve prodigal friends to just return like a story. That is an episode in all its glory.
But if one is learning a lesson through the planet saturns return so fast.
It's the deepest, insight that grows alone, that wants to be the good parts of me, that makes you and others smile.
The one that is the go to, the one that is empathetic enough and cares naturally with a good heart.
That feels guilty and ashamed for being a stupid, irresponsible tart.
And i weep at my own hole i climbed inside each night,
the one that has me relive the good memories, the bad moments, my mistakes and how i was something so embarrassing, i had not been so intense in so long.
If it was possible to prove, to have my reasons and explaining, perceptions believed are not true of me and that i talk about peoples passions and loves in life, or their interests, arts and hobbies, their cats or dogs.
It's a social skill, empathy, a loyal friend would do. I want to know the important parts of your life because friends do that when they can.
I don't want you to have to know about me, except for what you chose to ask, and to know and to see.
I never push anyone, things come out wrong, but the thought of your soul suffering the way it was that time before.
I feel like I could have done so much more.
Money, professional, being a rock.
But instead i behaved like a selfish, dumb little cock.
It's not rocket science for health, and i'm not gone forever. My mind can be back.
But the guilt and self blame, the natural shame, this short and lifelong game.
We all have to play it once our existence becomes demanded, or created.
Choose your perspective, but the world is full of fakes, frauds and overrated.
Ones that look like lust or cool, to boost your ego into a higher place,
But it's fake happiness, and slowly back down you fall from such grace.
And it's not your fault, we all do this, or learn and grow up like the black swan movie told.
And there's no saying that you have to ever get old.
But my soul is tired, it's an old soul, and it's battled it's wars like a warrior of hades.
But please, things i said olut of empathy, misunderstood and had me portrayed like the devil advocate, or an empty soul in designer wear, driving a Mercedez.
The people that look good on the outside, online or out at a bar dancing and faking it.
But deep down, they're as lost souls, or have been found and not at this telepathic journey we embarked on without buying tickets in advance.
That it's not more than 5 people, of the male gender, and less than that of the females that have me fight for their friendship at the least and most.
And prodigal, or sooner than that would be great, but never sit there in disarray, despair and feeling like it's too late.
I never evet truly let a grudge sttay in the way of forgiveness forever. I don't just suddenly hate.
I know i was too much and too stubborn to help for a few months.
And medical is what was needed, and there is brighter news ahead. I wish you could know.
I know the isolation can be like an oxygen mask from life and human events in these states of mind.
But please, at my door, my physical one, or my online one, or whenever, it is always open.
I amthe one who will be embarrassed and explaining, but in my 30s now, time to take it all more seriously and knw people who want me to reach my truest dreams and goals.
To hear my dreams, to hear the ones i adore most.
You can think the worst, and misread and choose to call it demanding or expecting more. But that is a delusion, your fear.
Most people could want more on a night out with you, but you refuse to accept that at times. I do too. But a friend is so impottant, and loyalty is rare. That empathy is more than just being able to care.
And i sense the moods of others. Ones I know more about and the ones i know who are struggling inside.
That the night you needed to go get help, i was happy for your bravery, but your state made me cry.
That i am sensitive, i cry over animal lost pet signs, and movie characters that die, or memories all the time.
A sentimental soul, but it can be painful looking back and knowing the trauma of past bad people made me relive an injury so deep, a wound that a band aid would not stop the bleeding. It took that event to go through pure hell and pain at once, to know i handled it wrong in the car.
That i let the bad ones define my self worth, and perceived you all the same. And a friend needs to not do that, but the physical injury from reliving emotional too was a shock to my system, and a useless rock i was.
But your courage was something i admired, and deep down, always made me feel inspired.
I'd see most people stuck in a boring routine and looking down at a skinny little girl like me,
or people fucked up, nice and accepting, but not some i could always enjoy to see.
Not the people that bring a good part out of me to move forward and not fall lost.
To survive the worst and then make a life, survive more and then harm myself at what cost?
I wanted that strength of your blossoming energy at times, your sacred and dedicated belief,
that kind of trust, faith and love that to a life of regret, remorse & shit, must bring relief
I stopped long ago, i was lost in all the choices and ways. I felt so judged by a group of people who should not judge.
But belief and faith is not a group, or laws, or what rules a book may say,
That I'd love to open my heart back to a higher power and to my 6 year old belief one day.
I was so faithful, i'd pray and i'd pray and even if i felt alone at home at that age,
I guess looking back, prayer was a salvation, or negative energy kind of sage.
I felt better, protected, and like all I had to do was get through life and be givena reward
But it became so complicated by age of 13 and long before,
I was straying, and i tried not too, but soon felt hypocritical and closed a door.
I just had so much going on at home, i'd began to liive for compulsive and obsessive liffestyles like losing weight .
By 15, i was this horrible, skeletal, hospitalised state.
But these parts of me, tragic and experience, i want those who knew and know, it's the part of me that was a survivor of many things, torture it has been, the head fuck that destroyed so much more, accepting parents don't live forever and there's a second half of life we cannot ignore.
I wish to help survivors, and unfortunate people and it's been a dream nand a need to pay back as a legacy sometime.
And to talk about things that are not being drunk or typical shallow, all on the surface, i hate it.
The lessons learned, the insights shared, maybe my writing is shit.
But i have a whole secret blog, of lyrics, 2014 poetry, grunge, experiences, books began, positive, realistic, darker like a song by the Deftones, or inspired by Neil Young or Nirvana, grunge was King.
But i write a lot, i have written poems and deeper things that the world never sees.
Poems about people who hurt me and i hate, to befriended, or even could become a date.
I express without names, and i ca'n never say who, because it'/s only movies that a friendship is salvaged by knowing its you.
But tonight, my heart and soul needed to pour something out.
My true soul is connected and feels the energetic vibes of the ones I know more about, and choose that underneath the worst words, or insults, is not the bad that i have heard from friiends falling out using certain things and taking hate to a new level.
Shows me that the shit you have gone through, i relate to some, but i just want to know, you're alive, you're well, you're worth facing the music and responding too.
You could hate me, fear i'm not well, or a pain in the arse.
It's not like that. I am attendng a working medical examination as wel.
It's not heaven, it's like i said, a long and hard road out of hell.
And the adversities and bad luck it's easy to encounter,
But the pain you go through, you can hide, you pretend it is to be a man, try think running, or hiding is going to escape.
But all it will do, is make you a more broken man that harboured his pain and wore a superhero cape,
But in the blackest of nights, the raini and the storm that has you lie in bed.
Apart of you has become used to this locking out so much, apart of you has become, so cold it's decaying and it's dead.
That you need to stay where you are, you need to rebuild your own part of self, and you are ambitious and strong, and nobody gets the strong.
Words can be thisx venom in us all. Defending the little sad person inside that is crying.
But to look deep intol your self reflection of the mirror at your soul,
that you see your own self and know that you are worth more than being in some hidey hole
Focusing on activities, work, pretending reality isn't there,
But my dear friend, you said words that made me feel like i was of no importance, or you care less than you said, but yolur sensitive make, your goals to help those without homes and food,
From someone who has experienced the craziest and most intense kind of mood,
I believe that whether it's geneuine hate, or a feeling of pressure and fear of more
You don't deserve your existences need to be appreciated, and not just ignore.
Being alone, i love my own space too. But humans crave and desire contact, and i don't think people understand the deeper parts you have survived.
That maybe your stories, one day when you can, could show people that the darkest days, the living through processes the mind has to take, a route that you had no choice but to make.
I promise, i wish i'd listened more, learned skills despite what.
Not afraid of being the pain, pest, or coming across molre wrong than i ever do.
Becaujse the last thing i want tis to scare, misunderstand, or lose the good times of a friend with you.
I promised my duty as a friend, i promise this to rare people who needed the support at a special time i had been through myself, or closxe. That it's never an issue, it's what i am equipped emotionally to do.
Botn a natural loving person, a bit nutty, crazy, and ii have secrets like all i should tell.
Nothing earth shattering, confessions as i recover to my best self.
2015-2018 me i want to rest in her grave, and bring back the girl that survived, bounced back,a new chance to take action and words a new way, not repress so deep and that the cuts on my soul were so steep.
It was a like a danger skull zone that poison is about to leak out, and then like a machine gun of word bullets that shoot the villains in my eyes to take a vendetta, a girl i was not made to be, and deserved so much better.
I never knew my worth from childhood up. Dad has never known how to show that normal love. I have learned now, and i want to be the best friend for any friend i talk too, good or bad they are going through, and i love helping and hearing about stories of the world in the middle east and europe, or parts of south east asia. Other languages, beliefs, family stories or not, astronomy, the poverty that needs help, rights for all, educating my experiences as lessons to move society forward, and to hear yours and learn and support as a number one there with true heart.
Loyalty is nt easily seen. And i don't deserve sorry, or pity at all (no thanks!!), or a wrong understanding, but some day, my dear prodigals, from 2 weeks, to 2 months, more time or less, hearing from you would be the ultimate de-stress.
I always care and want to know you are well. If you're not well, say soon, or make amends. Enemies are not what we need with our souls level of pain, or resilience we have is so strong. That your existence in this world, remarkable, every word, audio book was mostly read, i never exp;ected advice or you to be the fixer friend, but it's appreciated.
Listen, or be honest, or trivial and thrive on thnat, or intellect and goals and travel or dreams, ambitions, the hard times at the moment so it seems.
I can manage my condition, but i worry about others with theirs. Not enough professional support, or choice, or hiding in a mask to be the man, it's not okay to feel you have to always show a mask that is okay.
I was never anything anyone said in anger, accused me of, expected of, we all say things on impulse and tone is not heard, or language barriers, or emotions warp our views.
Or the lies and rumours people spread, those people used to make me hide, but now tthat would is a scar and has finally bled.
No more blood to those poor souls needing to usee vulnerable females to use in those ways.
Like anyone who does the same in the ways you lost friends that made your survive some fucking horrible days.
I do NOT liste things for an award that I do. It was proof that I was not the monster, the person you said i was, even sick, that the healthy me, had cared about you.
It's in my nature. I don't just let souls burning for freedom suffer in a fire that was not started by them.
That the bravery and courage is influential, and when you are grounded, better, and maybe not run away from the truth, because it may sting, or even really hurt.
you will be able to free that soul inside of you, the sensitive and pure one that is trapped beneath the constant bad luck, the strength that sometimes has to take a break, cracks in the floor just remind us, strong ones fall.
One day, i hope that your bring down that wall.
The one your build to hide behind and maybe i sound deep.
I mean from the work, it's intuition and something i can see.
So tired from those that physically absorbed from you each day,
That a soul needs to unwind and cleanse from predatory people who see kindness as prey
I wish i could make people see the truth in my genuine, innocent friendship
And i don't explain it well by spurting out what i've done - but it's my despair and desperate atttempt to prove, you're view is altered, yu saw what i said wrong, it's to show you what i did and would do again, if i could to be a proper friend.
That a person you meet 12 yr4s ago, to 1 and a bit hyears ago, and then even closer could be better people and a reason to relate through a time that's going to be so intense as a transition, and a friend or someone to relate too, is the way to survive the tornado of emotion, unpredictable luck and trust. You can only learn through perspective of others, and the deepest psychic, or telepathic kind of ways.
That goes beyond, deep, reading your soul.
Learning sensitive and empathethic traits, it's painful to live with that level, but it's how to let go of all the past pain, and let the people who chose to be loyal, caring and fight for your friendship stay, just say that i will be back, later down the track, but not just today.
Unless you want to erase a time, and resent and go from before it all went down. Energy was read, tragedies happen, and it's time to know that it's not worth holding grudges, a friend is a friend and believe me, it's becoming a world of masks hard to see behind anymore.
And i hope that this makes sense, despite a barrier, that it's meaningful, and not still opening a new door.
2019 should be the year where we take meanings of loyalty and learn its traits so easily not seen anymore. That someone consistent and happy to be there, be there friend, they are empaths, they care. I care. And i know how hard life is to the ones who need a break. And any friend is worth fighting to save and open the eyes, this time i am enlightening to new parts of the soul inside me to salvage, and everyday is a new start with whtatever energy, or headspace given, and i am wide awake. Gtetting well and no bad shit to tell.
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