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Showing posts from 2018

choices

Here I am, I made another huge mistake That life seems like a cycle, so much held at stake, I turned 31, and I have had a bad 2 months that escalated again, I am spending the last day of 2018 trying to stay strong, to fight and win, That i fucked up today, i fucked up this month, and the last, and that's okay We all fuck up, we all make mistakes and are misunderstood in some way, But this time it's the ending of a year that was this tornado of events, That through so much hope, came crashing waves of terror, and i lost my common sense I greet darkness, my old friend like the song people always use. But to me darkness lurks in the shadows of where light is shining, unable to diffuse. I have this pain that attaches itself to my soul, that likes to weigh me into this same old hole That the people I was friends with, blood related too, nowhere around me now, and I feel so confused, or pause as to what I should go ahead and decide which part of my mind I am visiting wish...

the one that dies (heroin and it's lies)

Have you ever looked down that dark alley way? The residents that hide their secret powers to escape each day? The drug that is running through their vein, The only part of life that is comfort for keeping them sane, Nothing else to get up for, no bed to sleep in at night, Life didn't begin this way, and it's been so much of a fight, That the people who call the cops and scream out 'JUNKIE, DIE' Misunderstood and demonised by society. Good people deep down, but a need to get high. Not knowing how to break a cycle that has become their lifeline, their way and their need From a joint, to a line, bottles of beer and to the crack pipe,  it all seems like an addicts greed But desperate for escape, or something more to breathe, comes the needle that enters the vain And to the devil , their soul has been sold and nothing to lose, nor nothing to gain Just the score of the usual, the habit that is their life. The addiction and toxicity. Being the drugs slave. No way...

manic

You could spread your arms like wings and fly An audience is invisible and their pleas i don't hear To get down and back and that safety is near Like sounds far away, i dismiss the danger i am putting my life into by this moment i feel I felt free and capable and not held down by the fears people would feel I felt as powerful as an eagle to sore down and fly away Unaware of how detached my own mind had its own way I never thought who could catch me if i was to fall The thought of consequences were not there at all How a mental state had got me this way Found on a ledge, and just the other day Naked and looking for a lake to swim The heat and the mind that thoughts were racing so fast i needed to strip down to be bare A raving lunatic screaming for it to stop But a soul in great disarray No comfort or focus to save me from the last of my dignity, nobody to call the ambulance and make me sedate For time went on and i look back its too late I have supervision and...

DEAR PREDATOR

rebeccaanne___ I tried to conceal the pain you made Behind a brave fabricate But you took the feeling from my soul And let me fall into a lonely hole I tried to hide the wounds by using my body to sell my soul All my scars were burrowed deep inside And the painful sentiments that my heart yearned for and cried Memories of the girl that was strong, brave and a warrior To trust the wrong person, a man of evil, i couldn't be sorrier I didn't want this stupid trauma  I didn't want to be hiding in some dark corner You took away apart of my life, apart of who i was You made me lose my friends, you made me hide away from life You made me someone I couldn't recognise in the mirror You made me someone that no longer shone or could shimmer You are a beast, a bad man, a criminal and you're truly evil No amount of punishment could be pay back compared to the pain I have to conceal You don't deserve life on earth. You vulgar and misogynistic asshole You lied...

dedicated to an important person to me

when you’re ready, when you’re there! REBECCA ADAMS · TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2018 An excuse is not a reason, but justifying something and living with humiliation is because you know actions and impulsive moves or messaging was completely random but self expressive. That trying to fix a problem can leave you remaining in limbo. Trying to fix and say sorry again, but then making it worse in your own mind and unsure how to rewind and put together the exact nail on the head words to hit the person and be able to be happy. It is misunderstood and intentions so good can be seen as a way someone decides to perceive. Humility becomes humiliation. Your mind is a million miles an hour. How did a conversation become so dominated by emotions and the past? How did your mind make you feel you were in a particular time and relive it again? Is it a dream? Or you confuse reality with your own mind and you say what you wish you said over and over. You learn too little, too late....

goodbye poem

"Since the age of 9, i clenched my fists From the final post, a razor to the wrist Art comes from some kind of pain and you are the one driving yourself insane The monsters that live inside my head They control my thoughts, make me wish i was dead I can't pretend I have hope. I can't live a lie.  i leave you here, with my sincerest goodbye "

God, send me an Angel...

I prayed for an angel to come down and take me away, to a safe haven, or place, for a few days to stay, to shelter me and comfort me through this chaos killing me, but this realisation was indeed freeing me, I no longer have to be a victim of my own head and the hate, I missed too many things, and it feels too late, but the day i reached out, things began to change again it's time to be the girl i had been, and for life to begin, It may take time for it all to be it's best.  But every new day has put me to the test. The battle is with my own self love. It's time to break the battle and remember who I was. No angel came down to me that day.  But the soft voice inside my head reminded me that everything will be okay. That all good things come to those who wait. And timing has no end, it's never too late. The moment I showed the side I want to be,  triumphs in my own life began to break free.  I know it will take a few months to be truly right. But th...

dear men & followed by my #metoo experiences

Dear Male Gender, I want to write a detailed letter expressing the truth about what sex is to a woman, when she opens her body up to you. Her naked body into your arms, and into your naked body on top or underneath her. She is opening up about her whole past, every sexual encounter and experience she has, whether it be the most beautiful and loving kinds, or some rather unpleasant kinds and we carry every scar, every trauma, every mark that the wounds like deep. The scars that burn our souls and our confidence as women. We are not sharing a naked body with you. We are making a mutual decision and trusting you to respect every part of us. To hold us in your arms and allow you to have your way with us with consent. It is the most amazing, sensual & secure feeling whether it is in a relationship, or it is for pure attraction. A woman's body holds every scar, every painful moment & every sentiment that we have lived through and experienced. We do not need to sit and tell y...