My Memoirs of Ana & Mia

i think of all the times we shared, not just in person, but the ones we used to get through the nights The sounds of silence that scream out loudly that we need the connection, & the glare from the street lights. They shine down the road, of both our streets, it shows life outside, and that alone is how we just feel so your talks, your listening, and needing a friend, was some soul dedication i'd protect to the end That it's not the kind of thing you fear, your impact, those moments we did share, they calmed my fear and I don't forget sweet words you said. A charmer, a gentleman, sweet talker, or maybe just the real you. Stripped from the insecurities that eat you alive,  that you never knew how else to survive The way that brought structure to the day, your active life. The people that twisted a blade through your back with a bloody knife. The backstabbers that were best friends, family that wanted you to fall, The pain you endured, and shared right away, it ...

Today was the day the wounds burned too deep.  Today was the day that this life I could not keep. Today was the day that I killed the pain.  Today was the day I left this world in vain. Today was the day I let go i stopped caring at all, Today was the day I made that final fall  Today was the day I left behind life, I quietly died. Today was the day my sorrow lead me to suicide.

I have never fit into the box this generation, or "millennials" are. I cannot connect to a photo, therefore do not use tinder. I am not into being a famous social status on social media, i post about astrology, deep issues, advocate issues people are afraid to talk about and post selfies that could be considered unique, and not typical. I don't put many friends up, i rarely go out anymore and have no close siblings, or earn a huge income to show off a life of travel, beach vacations and dreams. I do have dreams, i have connections (emotional and spiritually) and i have battled the grips of mental illness, sexual assault, loneliness, addiction and chronic pain. I refuse to let that make me become a stereotypical version, but i have to say i have let stigma grow by not being the person who had it under control. I hate people who feel they need to say love yourself first, or profound advice that is not anything to do with what you are feeling. I don't date for 3 months ...

Here I am, I made another huge mistake That life seems like a cycle, so much held at stake, I turned 31, and I have had a bad 2 months that escalated again, I am spending the last day of 2018 trying to stay strong, to fight and win, That i fucked up today, i fucked up this month, and the last, and that's okay We all fuck up, we all make mistakes and are misunderstood in some way, But this time it's the ending of a year that was this tornado of events, That through so much hope, came crashing waves of terror, and i lost my common sense I greet darkness, my old friend like the song people always use. But to me darkness lurks in the shadows of where light is shining, unable to diffuse. I have this pain that attaches itself to my soul, that likes to weigh me into this same old hole That the people I was friends with, blood related too, nowhere around me now, and I feel so confused, or pause as to what I should go ahead and decide which part of my mind I am visiting wish...

Have you ever looked down that dark alley way? The residents that hide their secret powers to escape each day? The drug that is running through their vein, The only part of life that is comfort for keeping them sane, Nothing else to get up for, no bed to sleep in at night, Life didn't begin this way, and it's been so much of a fight, That the people who call the cops and scream out 'JUNKIE, DIE' Misunderstood and demonised by society. Good people deep down, but a need to get high. Not knowing how to break a cycle that has become their lifeline, their way and their need From a joint, to a line, bottles of beer and to the crack pipe,  it all seems like an addicts greed But desperate for escape, or something more to breathe, comes the needle that enters the vain And to the devil , their soul has been sold and nothing to lose, nor nothing to gain Just the score of the usual, the habit that is their life. The addiction and toxicity. Being the drugs slave. No way...

You could spread your arms like wings and fly An audience is invisible and their pleas i don't hear To get down and back and that safety is near Like sounds far away, i dismiss the danger i am putting my life into by this moment i feel I felt free and capable and not held down by the fears people would feel I felt as powerful as an eagle to sore down and fly away Unaware of how detached my own mind had its own way I never thought who could catch me if i was to fall The thought of consequences were not there at all How a mental state had got me this way Found on a ledge, and just the other day Naked and looking for a lake to swim The heat and the mind that thoughts were racing so fast i needed to strip down to be bare A raving lunatic screaming for it to stop But a soul in great disarray No comfort or focus to save me from the last of my dignity, nobody to call the ambulance and make me sedate For time went on and i look back its too late I have supervision and...

rebeccaanne___ I tried to conceal the pain you made Behind a brave fabricate But you took the feeling from my soul And let me fall into a lonely hole I tried to hide the wounds by using my body to sell my soul All my scars were burrowed deep inside And the painful sentiments that my heart yearned for and cried Memories of the girl that was strong, brave and a warrior To trust the wrong person, a man of evil, i couldn't be sorrier I didn't want this stupid trauma  I didn't want to be hiding in some dark corner You took away apart of my life, apart of who i was You made me lose my friends, you made me hide away from life You made me someone I couldn't recognise in the mirror You made me someone that no longer shone or could shimmer You are a beast, a bad man, a criminal and you're truly evil No amount of punishment could be pay back compared to the pain I have to conceal You don't deserve life on earth. You vulgar and misogynistic asshole You lied...